We are living in an extraordinary and uncharted times . . . We are living in history right now!
It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve self isolated myself to the general public . . . though I still go out for groceries and occasional exercise (walking around my block). All my work cease to exist and for the most part, the fashion business halted . . .
Everyone is trying to navigate this crisis, looking for some kind of relief. Yes, for the first couple of weeks of shelter in place, I saw it as an opportunity to finish up projects that I long to do but too busy to do it. Nonetheless, as the days past by, it got harder and harder to motivate myself to do it. I was longing for a different stimulus. I’m sick of looking at my pictures and the laborious task of unraveling and scanning my negatives just became tedious. I long to interact with people. Before, taking pictures felt like work to me but now, I wish I can pick up the camera and just shoot again. My motivation has gone down and it’s hard to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Everyday, I watch the news and see the death toll rises and more and more states are shutting down.
Now, we have another month to be shelter in place and that scares me. The first of the month just arrived and the rent is due and other bills are looming . . . without a paycheck coming in . . . I’m not sure if I can survive this pandemic for another month or two if this prolongs.
Even if we flattened the curve and we are released from our homes, there’s going to be a transitional period that’s going to occur because people will be weary of congregating with each other. We don’t have a vaccine yet and it might take another year to develop one.
In the fashion world, we work closely with each other. What will the world place look like? So many people laid off including agents, makeup artists, hair, etc . . . I’m sure people will be desperate for a job and will take on jobs that pay less just to have a paycheck coming in.
The closest thing that this pandemic reminds me of is 9/11/2001. There weren’t a lockdown of the city because I still got to go out of my apartment. But, the desert landscape of the city and people were in despair and confused on what had happened. However, this pandemic feels different. I feel it’s much more intense. We are fighting with an invisible enemy. You don’t know if you’ve been infected (because of lack of testing) or if your neighbor has it and it’s asymptomatic so they could be inadvertently spreading it. Also, you don’t know what it does to you if you do get infected. Will you be able to fight it or will it land you to the hospital and need a respirator?
The gravity of this virus is lost with some people. It’s not just the flu . . . it’s more than that. It could potentially kill you.
Everyone in the entire world is in the same boat. Well, maybe the 1% of the population who are rich isn’t as affected but 99% the uncertainty of this brings chills to my bone . . . or am I just being an alarmist or dramatic?
I feel like we will be fighting this for a long time until we find a vaccine. The virus will not stop infecting people at the end of the month when the stay at home ordinance is lifted. The US or even the state of California . . . we are barely at our peak . . . so what’s going to happened?
I have no idea.
I am trying so hard to motivate myself and to be creative.
So many people are giving me so much encouragement and staying connected with people via Facebook and Instagram has been helpful . . . well, it’s good to just connect with people in general. But the physical isolation with other people and not being close to them . . . that’s the hard part.
In some sort of weird way, this pandemic is a good thing because it made us, society as a whole, pause and reset. Slow down and really think about what’s important. For me, it gave me time to think about what I’m going to do next.
I was so eager for 2020 to start . . . I wanted to change everything . . . not going to lie, January and February, I was really busy and went too NYC and Oregon for work. I had a lead for work in NYC and wanted to move out there again this year. During NYFW, there were murmurs about the virus but not really significant enough to garner any more attention to it . . . but it was in the back of everyone’s mind.
It was right I came back from my trip to Oregon when things started to feel different. The tone and most of the conversation turned to COVID-19. And in the news, people were hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizers and just hoards of people lining up at the supermarket to buy food. Only when Trump came and delivered his speech about the pandemic when things really changed. I remember, I had clients lined up that weekend and honestly, I cancelled the shoots because I was just scared because I can be a carrier or they can be a carrier and infect each other. That weekend, the coin “The New Normal” began circulating and thus here we are.
No one on the streets . . . people that are outside are wearing masks and sharing the sidewalk with strangers because an obstacle course.
Lining up outside of the supermarket is normal now and I’ve never washed my hands so much in my entire life when I do go outside.
The paranoia and just the steps that we have to go through just to go outside . . . it’s very disheartening. But, that’s the reality that we live in these days. I’ve accepted the fact that this is the new normal and as much as I bitch and moan about being stuck at home, I’m the lucky one that I’m not sick. It’s the the unknown is the scary part. It’s funny because perhaps I’m a little bit more in tuned with what’s going on; watching the news and reading articles online but for some people, it’s like business as usual. But, that’s an assumption because perhaps they are processing this differently and maybe they have to go to work because they need the money? I totally understand that.
In the whole scheme of things, at the end of the day, fashion is a luxury. I am a luxury for people. I’m not essential. Food and shelter are necessities . . . yes, it’s important to do art and be creative at this stage of the pandemic just to keep sane. However, it’s hard not to face the fact that when people start picking up the pieces, can the fashion industry bounce back? and when?
How can I survive without shooting?
I’m the last thing on people’s mind where his/her parents just lost their jobs and trying to pay their mortgage.
As I was saying before, I dealt with this hardship before when 9/11 happened and it took awhile for me to get going. Back then, I was just trying to survive. I mean, I got evicted in my apartment in Brooklyn because I couldn’t pay rent.
Will I have to go through that again?
The optimist in my is saying I will survive this but as days go by, it’s harder and harder to find motivation and fight. I need to figure out a way to find a solution whilst in quarantine.
I need clarity and peace to quiet down the negativity and open up my mind to find a solution.
Right now, it’s difficult to find when I’m alone and all I hear is bad news.
I hope 6 months or even a year from now, I will be reading this and I hope that I will be in a different mentality and space that I can say, “Remember that time we were in quarantine?”