9/11: My Story

September 11th, Greenpoint, Brooklyn

I saw Tower 1 disintegrate into thin air.

I was in Brooklyn and everyone at the rooftop collectively and simultaneously screamed and cried.  Lower Manhattan was darkened by debris and dust; laid in contrast to the beautiful sunny day.

I was barely waking up, still in bed when my roommate, Bryant, started screaming! 

“We’ve been attacked!”  

I’m like, “You’re too damn loud!” 

“Turn on the news!” — he yelled. 

Funny enough, I turned on the TV and it was on the Food Network. But was it playing a movie? 

What I saw was the Statue of Liberty and lower Manhattan was engulfed in black/grey smoke. 

I really thought it was a Will Smith movie.   

I flipped through the channels, and it was the same image. 

The two building were in golfed in flames. (I did not see the two planes hit the building).

WTF was happening!

Bryant was packing his bag and ready to head out. 

“I got to help out there!” he uttered. 

I got up from bed and followed him to the door. 

When he opened the door, I saw people heading up to the roof! 

Again, I was still in shock and barely awake. 

I put my slippers on and as Bryant bolted downstairs, I headed to the roof. 

Came to the edge of the roof, facing Manhattan and saw both towers covered in smoke. 

First thing came to my mind, I should get my camera. 

By the time I got back up, Tower 2 had collapsed! 

Everyone was in disbelief.   Someone in the crowd yelled, “What is happening?”

Was this real?  As I stood there . . . I tried to compose myself to take a picture; fidgeting back and forth the aperture to get the right exposure . . . (back then, I did not own a digital camera), looking at the skyline of Lower Manhattan, thought to myself, “I could have been there!” I had taken the subway to the WTC all the time. Back then, it was a hub and a meeting place for people.  I went shopping at Century 21 Department Store across the street from the WTC. 

I remembered the Roy Rogers restaurant in the bottom floor (they had a food court down at basement of the WTC).  I would always go there for a cheap burger and fries. 

All these memories started flooding through my mind as I watched in horror what was going on just across the river. 

It felt like seconds when Tower 1 went down.  I saw that with my own eyes.   

Again, disbelief, anger, confusion, agony . . . you name it, I felt it. 

When it was happening in front of you, it was like time stands still and you hear nothing. 

I took some photos, but my emotions just got intense, and I just had to head back to my apartment. 

This was crazy to think but I had a photo shoot that day and I called the client to see if we were still on?  

“Do you know what’s going on?”  — he said sarcastically. 

“Are you still coming?” — I responded. 

He hung up the phone.   

Remember, this was all new to all of us. 

The gravity of what just happened, I did not really comprehend or understand.

I did not know any better. 

I had never experienced terrorism before. 

I had never experienced a calamity this big before. 

Makeshift Memorial (Union Square)

I did not know what really was going on. 

 As I riffled through all the news channels, it was so tragic and really upsetting to see the images LIVE.  Even to this day, I get triggered watching a documentary or news feeds about 9/11. 

My mind was numb, and I did not want to sit at home and just watch the news. 

I heard on TV that there is a mass exodus at the Brooklyn Bridge from Manhattan and all the trains going to Manhattan had ceased.  

I was jittery and wanted to get out. 

I tried calling my parents back in LA and no reception.  

I walked out in the street to smoke a cigarette and everyone on the street was like zombies. 

No one was looking at each other in the eye. 

It was eerily quiet. I heard birds chirping. 

Some people were huddled up and whispering. 

I did not know why. 

Then, I heard fire trucks zooming by and police sirens flooding the air. 

I looked up and it was a perfect day with blue skies and 75 degrees. 

The entire day, I consumed all the news that I could withstand. 

The subways were back and running again but stops at the WTC had been shut down. 

I went up to Union Square on 14th Street and thought I could walk down to the WTC. 

Again, it was eerily quiet.  People looked like zombies and there were no cars on the street except fire trucks and police. 

I went down to University Place and 14th Street and there you would be able to see what was once stood the Twin Towers.  

All you saw was the billowing smoke and the overwhelming smell of kerosene. 

I walked as far as I could down to see what we call now Ground Zero, however, the police cordoned off a mile from the wreckage.  The smoke and the stench were overwhelming as you got closer.  People wore makeshift masks to just walk around outside.  I got as far as the New York Presbyterian Hospital.  I remember nurses and doctors with gurneys waiting for casualties to arrive . . . none did.  

I went back to Union Square and there were a ton of people sitting at the steps and at one point, there was a vigil going on.  Still so quiet.  I remember a man passing out flyers of his missing wife.   But, the most memorable scene of that day was seeing firemen and their trucks covered in ash. It was mind numbing because just a few blocks away, there was Ground Zero.

The gravity of what just happened, I think New Yorkers couldn’t digest and comprehend. 

Stunned and shocked was more of an accurate description of that day. 

As I headed back home around 8pm, the train was empty. 

I think we were not prepared or have the capacity to anticipate something catastrophic disaster like this. 

I watched the news all night. Watching all these people pleading on TV if people had seen their loved ones, it was heart wrenching.  I do not remember if I slept that night . . . but I knew for that day that my life had completely changed and what I knew before 9/11 was a distant memory. 

September 10th at Bryant Park (NYFW)

Footnote: I had a flight out September 13th to visit my family in LA. Flights were grounded and cancelled across the country immediately after the terror attack.  I flew to LA on September 16th; one of the first flight out off at JFK.  There were 6 passengers on board.  

The Business of Billie Eilish

On March 11, 2016, I met and worked with singer/songwriter, Billie Eilish.

Back then, she was 13 years old.

I was acquainted with her by her brother, Finneas.

When I met her, I wasn’t starstruck or even impressed because I thought she’s just another bleach blonde white girl from Burbank. She had those blue doe eyes and she wore oversized sweater and jeans and Nike Air Force Ones.  Billie at first was very shy and quiet, I mean, she didn’t know me so she was reserved and just scanned everything around her.  She was so young and there wasn’t anything for me to connect with other than this photo shoot.

Meeting people for the first time, sometimes it’s awkward at first because literally I’m thinking how well can you be in front of the camera? Are you photogenic? Are you animated? Will you just stand there and give me the deer in head lights look?  With Billie, seeing her physical attributes, I knew that the camera will love her.  And in fact, I was right.

When I saw her with the natural light, her alabaster skin and those blue eyes, I knew that shooting her by a window would be magical.  Call it instinct or just my experience, I knew I will get something cool and simple.  And I did.  She’s the type of subject that can just sit there and every angle of her face, the camera would just love.  She literally just sat the chair and she knew instinctively how to move in front of the camera.  I think it was the nuances of her movement that I distinctly remember.  She understand her body and her emotions so well because she emoted through her eyes.  It’s innate to her how to do it.  I can’t explain it to people.  It’s either you have it or you don’t.  She does.

After that, the shoot went rather quickly.  I changed into her next look and I shot the rest of the time in the studio.  All they wanted were portraits to use for publicity for magazines and blogs and so I did.  Again, in front of the camera, she can’t go wrong.  To this day, it’s still hard to edit down her pictures because almost all of them are perfection.

I think the shoot lasted an hour?  

It’s was super simple.  No makeup. No hair. No styling.

Just her and her clothes.

It’s funny because people get a little awkward when other people are there watching you shoot.

However, it didn’t bother her that her manager and her brother was there watching.

They left and a week later, I handed them the pictures and I thought that was it.

Again, at this point, she was no one. She wasn’t signed to a record label. Other than Perez Hilton give her a shout out in his blog, she was relatively unknown.  

A few months had passed when her manager contacted me to say that her record label is going to contact me to negotiate in buying an image that I shot of her for the album cover.

I was blown away.  I never knew that this little photo shoot would go anywhere!  

And so this is when the business comes in.

I’m not going to disclose monetary compensation here.

Let’s just say, I was low balled.

It was partly my fault because I should have held out.

But, they were dangling this little nugget that if I refused, that I wouldn’t get the cover for her album, Ocean Eyes.  

Eventually, I said yes and let’s just say, I regretted ever since.

I don’t regret shooting Billie. Don’t get me wrong, I love working with her.

It’s the Hollywood machine that I regret participating in.

These people are conniving, deceitful and will use you until they get every ounce of you.

I know that’s being dramatic and you probably would think, well, it comes with the territory and I should have known better.

They got what they wanted and they moved on.

I mean, I did get what I wanted too because I use her image for my website and publicity.

I just felt I just got cheated and scammed.

Again, it’s no fault of Billie because it’s not her, it’s the people behind her that’s doing everything.

Even after the whole deal when through and the manager said to me that I could shoot Billie again, well, that never happened.

All I got was, “Very sorry she's already way, way up!”

Meaning, she’s too big for you and how can you even ask.

When people ask me, how I got to shoot with Billie Eilish, I say, it was a fluke.

I was very lucky to have the opportunity to work with her because perhaps it did raise my “clout” factor. Though they never did credit me on that album cover.

Nonetheless, it is what it is.  

What I don’t like when the Hollywood machine takes advantage of minority owned small business and capitalize on the hard work and effort that I made for myself.

So, my advice to any photographers/artists out there — have a model release form at hand.

To all of Billie’s fans, here are some outtakes (never seen before) pictures of Billie’s photo session with me!

REAL TALK with Horace Gold

I sat down with singer/song writer and actor Horace Gold of Los Angeles and we discuss the entertainment industry and how he is surviving in the pandemic and how creatively dealing with the lack of work and interaction with other creatives.

I sat down with singer/song writer and actor Horace Gold of Los Angeles and we discuss the entertainment industry and how he is surviving in the pandemic and how creatively dealing with the lack of work and interaction with other creatives.

REAL TALK with Sean Bennett

A candid discussion of the state of model scouting and how the modeling industry is shifting its landscape. Are we going back to the times of the super model era? The escapism of fashion is what all fashion creatives are longing for and we both hope that the outlook is optimistic and as creative and crazy moving forward.

A candid discussion of the state of model scouting and how the modeling industry is shifting its landscape. Are we going back to the times of the super model era? The escapism of fashion is what all fashion creatives are longing for and we both hope that the outlook is optimistic and as creative and crazy moving forward.

REAL TALK with Lisa Jammal

Lisa Jammal is a CEO/owner of Social Intelligence Agency (Social Media Digital Agency. We spoke about what is the state of social media in this current landscape and she described the ins and outs of how her business is operating during this pandemic.

Lisa Jammal is a CEO/owner of Social Intelligence Agency (Social Media Digital Agency. We spoke about what is the state of social media in this current landscape and she described the ins and outs of how her business is operating during this pandemic.

https://soundcloud.com/proluca/real-talk-with-lisa-jammal

REAL TALK with Mia Constanza

In this podcast, I spoke to photographer Mia Constanza. A Canadian expat now living in Los Angeles. I wanted to hear from her how the technology generation is coping with the lockdown and how to find inspiration and how she's shifting her outlook and looking for other opportunities in the fashion industry.

In this podcast, I spoke to photographer Mia Constanza. A Canadian expat now living in Los Angeles. I wanted to hear from her how the technology generation is coping with the lockdown and how to find inspiration and how she's shifting her outlook and looking for other opportunities in the fashion industry.

https://soundcloud.com/proluca/mia-constanza

REAL TALK with Jami Wrenn

I sat down with model/talent agency owner, Jami Wrenn of Wrenn Mgmt. We spoke about how the business of models and actors has changed even before this pandemic happened and how models and actors are evolving and shedding their old skin to be able to survive in the new landscape of entertainment.

In this podcast, I sat down with model/talent agency director and owner, Jami Wrenn of Wrenn Management, based out of Los Angeles. We discuss the business of the modeling industry in that the business has been changing even before the pandemic. Moreover, how the models and talents are using their time off either crafting and learning new skills or relying on old ways of their business before the pandemic? Is it sustainable what we relied before or do we need to be creative and do other things to survive in the coming months.

This interview is raw, direct and no filter and she laid it all out on how she feels about the business of fashion.

SOCIALS: @wrennmgmt

@jamiwrenn

https://soundcloud.com/user-721060674/real-talk-with-jami-wrenn-of-wrenn-mgmt

REAL TALK with David Souza

For this podcast, I interviewed David Souza. He's an entrepreneur and owner of Paragon Model Management in Mexico City. We discuss mental wellness and how the business landscape looks like in Mexico. The business of fashion has completely halted all of the world and how we navigate these past few weeks or months will be crucial for small business like a modeling agency and how they will stay afloat and how it will pivot and change in this ever changing world -- hopefully for the better.

For this podcast, I interviewed David Souza.

He's an entrepreneur and owner of Paragon Model Management in Mexico City.  We discuss mental wellness and how the business landscape looks like in Mexico.  The business of fashion has completely halted all of the world and how we navigate these past few weeks or months will be crucial for small business like a modeling agency and how they will stay afloat and how it will pivot and change in this ever changing world -- hopefully for the better.

https://soundcloud.com/user-721060674/real-talk-with-david-souza

REAL TALK with Storm Gardner

I had a great pleasure to speak to one of my good friends, Storm Gardner. He's a renown singer/songwriter living in LA. Talked about the creative freedom that one gets whilst in lockdown. And how artists are tuning inward to find inspiration and how clarity of your true voice rings louder now than every before. Storm really is an inspiration and gives so much knowledge and perspective and how even in a pandemic, you find your true calling and voice. Enjoy our impromptu talk!

I had a great pleasure to speak to one of my good friends, Storm Gardner. He's a renown singer/songwriter living in LA. 
Talked about the creative freedom that one gets whilst in lockdown.
And how artists are tuning inward to find inspiration and how clarity of your true voice rings louder now than every before. Storm really is an inspiration and gives so much knowledge and perspective and how even in a pandemic, you find your true calling and voice.
Enjoy our impromptu talk!

https://soundcloud.com/user-721060674/real-talk-with-storm-garnder

REAL TALK with Cory Van Malland

A conversation with hair stylist, Cory Van Malland from Auckland, New Zealand. We had a great conversation about what's going on in the southern hemisphere and how they're dealing with the virus. Let's just say, they are dealing it way better than in the US.

My second guest in my podcast is hair stylist, Cory Van Malland from Auckland, New Zealand.

I really wanted to hear what’s going in the southern hemisphere; on how they’re dealing with the virus and as well, how the businesses are being affected.

It was really eye opening to listen to Cory because the perspective from that side of the world is so much more positive and how his government is stepping up to provide for its citizens and how they’re handling the virus is so much more comprehensive and not disjointed like the US.

Please listen in and join the conversation.

I’d love to hear what you’re thoughts and share your stories.

https://soundcloud.com/user-721060674/real-talk-with-cory-van-malland

Cory’s social media IG: @cocoryryy

COVID-19

We are living in an extraordinary and uncharted times . . . We are living in history right now!

It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve self isolated myself to the general public . . . though I still go out for groceries and occasional exercise (walking around my block).  All my work cease to exist and for the most part, the fashion business halted . . . 

Everyone is trying to navigate this crisis, looking for some kind of relief.  Yes, for the first couple of weeks of shelter in place, I saw it as an opportunity to finish up projects that I long to do but too busy to do it.  Nonetheless, as the days past by, it got harder and harder to motivate myself to do it.  I was longing for a different stimulus.  I’m sick of looking at my pictures and the laborious task of unraveling and scanning my negatives just became tedious.  I long to interact with people.  Before, taking pictures felt like work to me but now, I wish I can pick up the camera and just shoot again.  My motivation has gone down and it’s hard to find the light at the end of the tunnel.  

Everyday, I watch the news and see the death toll rises and more and more states are shutting down.  

Now, we have another month to be shelter in place and that scares me.  The first of the month just arrived and the rent is due and other bills are looming . . . without a paycheck coming in . . . I’m not sure if I can survive this pandemic for another month or two if this prolongs.

Even if we flattened the curve and we are released from our homes, there’s going to be a transitional period that’s going to occur because people will be weary of congregating with each other.  We don’t have a vaccine yet and it might take another year to develop one.  

In the fashion world, we work closely with each other.  What will the world place look like?  So many people laid off including agents, makeup artists, hair, etc . . . I’m sure people will be desperate for a job and will take on jobs that pay less just to have a paycheck coming in.

The closest thing that this pandemic reminds me of is 9/11/2001.  There weren’t a lockdown of the city because I still got to go out of my apartment.  But, the desert landscape of the city and people were in despair and confused on what had happened.  However, this pandemic feels different.  I feel it’s much more intense.  We are fighting with an invisible enemy.  You don’t know if you’ve been infected (because of lack of testing) or if your neighbor has it and it’s asymptomatic so they could be inadvertently spreading it.  Also, you don’t know what it does to you if you do get infected.  Will you be able to fight it or will it land you to the hospital and need a respirator?

The gravity of this virus is lost with some people.  It’s not just the flu . . . it’s more than that.  It could potentially kill you.

Everyone in the entire world is in the same boat.  Well, maybe the 1% of the population who are rich isn’t as affected but 99% the uncertainty of this brings chills to my bone . . . or am I just being an alarmist or dramatic?  

I feel like we will be fighting this for a long time until we find a vaccine.  The virus will not stop infecting people at the end of the month when the stay at home ordinance is lifted.  The US or even the state of California . . . we are barely at our peak . . . so what’s going to happened?

I have no idea.  

I am trying so hard to motivate myself and to be creative.

So many people are giving me so much encouragement and staying connected with people via Facebook and Instagram has been helpful . . . well, it’s good to just connect with people in general.  But the physical isolation with other people and not being close to them . . . that’s the hard part.  

In some sort of weird  way, this pandemic is a good thing because it made us, society as a whole, pause and reset.  Slow down and really think about what’s important.  For me, it gave me time to think about what I’m going to do next.

I was so eager for 2020 to start . . . I wanted to change everything . . . not going to lie, January and February, I was really busy and went too NYC and Oregon for work.  I had a lead for work in NYC and wanted to move out there again this year.  During NYFW, there were murmurs about the virus but not really significant enough to garner any more attention to it . . . but it was in the back of everyone’s mind.  

It was right I came back from my trip to Oregon when things started to feel different.  The tone and most of the conversation turned to COVID-19.  And in the news, people were hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizers and just hoards of people lining up at the supermarket to buy food.  Only when Trump came and delivered his speech about the pandemic when things really changed. I remember, I had clients lined up that weekend and honestly, I cancelled the shoots because I was just scared because I can be a carrier or they can be a carrier and infect each other.   That weekend, the coin “The New Normal” began circulating and thus here we are.

No one on the streets . . . people that are outside are wearing masks and sharing the sidewalk with strangers because an obstacle course.

Lining up outside of the supermarket is normal now and I’ve never washed my hands so much in my entire life when I do go outside.

The paranoia and just the steps that we have to go through just to go outside . . . it’s very disheartening.  But, that’s the reality that we live in these days.  I’ve accepted the fact that this is the new normal and as much as I bitch and moan about being stuck at home, I’m the lucky one that I’m not sick.  It’s the the unknown is the scary part.  It’s funny because perhaps I’m a little bit more in tuned with what’s going on; watching the news and reading articles online but for some people, it’s like business as usual.  But, that’s an assumption because perhaps they are processing this differently and maybe they have to go to work because they need the money? I totally understand that.  

In the whole scheme of things, at the end of the day, fashion is a luxury.  I am a luxury for people.  I’m not essential.  Food and shelter are necessities . . . yes, it’s important to do art and be creative at this stage of the pandemic just to keep sane. However, it’s hard not to face the fact that when people start picking up the pieces, can the fashion industry bounce back?  and when?

How can I survive without shooting?

I’m the last thing on people’s mind where his/her parents just lost their jobs and trying to pay their mortgage.

As I was saying before, I dealt with this hardship before when 9/11 happened and it took awhile for me to get going.  Back then, I was just trying to survive.  I mean, I got evicted in my apartment in Brooklyn because I couldn’t pay rent.

Will I have to go through that again?

The optimist in my is saying I will survive this but as days go by, it’s harder and harder to find motivation and fight. I need to figure out a way to find a solution whilst in quarantine.  

I need clarity and peace to quiet down the negativity and open up my mind to find a solution.

Right now, it’s difficult to find when I’m alone and all I hear is bad news.

I hope 6 months or even a year from now, I will be reading this and I hope that I will be in a different mentality and space that I can say, “Remember that time we were in quarantine?” 

Stolen Camera in Paris

The time someone stole my camera.

Mamiya RZ67

The year was 2003 in Paris.

I swear, I don’t even remember what time of year it was because my mind just blacked out that time of my life that only thing that I remember was aftermath of what happened after my camera got stolen.

I came to Paris just 2 years after 9/11 happened in NYC.

I moved back to LA temporarily because business slowed down for me in NYC.

Thinking that LA would be a little better, well, it wasn’t.

I don’t know why I decided to go to Paris with barely any money but I did.

Perhaps, my fortune would be a little different there and just need to be in a different environment and scenery.

And why not, Paris has always been so inspirational and I love the city.

When I got to Paris, the whole vibe was different.

The whole time I was there, I barely did anything.

Some shootings but nothing really substantial to write about.

I wanted to stay for 2 months but my money was running out and I could barely afford the hotel that I was staying at.  Literally, I had to borrow some money from friends and family just to keep me afloat.

But, after a month, I decided to come back to the US.  

Fun fact, a modeling agency (Nous Models) in LA actually paid for the change of ticket for me, in lieu of shooting a couple of models for them pro bono.  

Yes, I was that broke.

The day arrived to leave Paris and I woke up rearing to get to the airport early.

I pop out of the hotel to mail a couple of postcards to my friends in America so I dropped off my luggage and my camera bag at the reception.  

They had a little storage room to put luggages at. 

Since it’s its morning and people were coming in and out of the hotel, I would assume that the receptionist (which I had a great relationship with) would store my stuff in their storage room. 

I was gone for maybe 10 minutes and when I returned to the hotel, I’d asked the receptionist to get my bags.

When she returned, she only grabbed my luggage. 

I’d asked her where’s my camera bag?

She knew I dropped off my luggage and my camera bag and for some reason, she thought I only dropped off one bag . . . 

I was like, “I gave you 2 bags, madame!”

She went back to the storage room and looked around again.

At some point, I went over to help her check in the storage room.

I looked around and no camera bag!

I had this overwhelming pain in my chest and my breathing became shallower and shallower and from there, I started crying uncontrollably.  I was yelling and screaming!  I mean, screaming!!

I’m sure the guests heard my screeching all over the hotel.

I was in the ground crying and wailing and one of the hotel staff tried to carry me to the receptionist chair to calm me down . . . but I was too hysterical to be consoled.

I just saw my whole life flash before my eyes.

My camera was my whole life.

I have no livelihood without a camera.

The uncontrollable hysteria in my head was more than the camera getting lost.

It was all emotions of frustration, guilt, fatigue and anger with what was going on with my life even before coming to Paris.  The camera was just the catalyst to get all these emotions out.

After 10 minutes of being on the ground crying, the owner of the hotel showed up and tried to calm me down and I swear, when I opened my eyes, I saw all these guests just walking past me and seeing their faces, it’s almost like they saw a ghost.  I’m sure it was a shock early in the morning to hear and see me on the ground screaming and crying.  

The owner brought me to his office and asked me what had happened.  

All I can remember saying to the owner was, “You’re going to pay for it!”

I don’t even remember what I said to him, but those 5 words were the ones that resonated. 

At this point, we were walking down the street to the police station to file a stolen goods report.

I remember the police officer couldn’t speak English so the owner had to translate for me.

But, what I can deduce from the conversation with the owner and the police, I mean, I took French in high school and collage so I can make out some words.  I heard INSURANCE during their conversation.

As I stared blankly at the white walls of the police precinct, all I can think about was can I still make my flight?

The owner turned around to me and told me that the police will do an investigation with the staff and with the filing of the police report, he can file for insurance to at least pay for the camera.
But, then I remembered, I shot an editorial for a magazine and all the film are in that bag!

And it wasn’t just the camera that was in that bag, I had all the other accessories like lenses, light meter, film, cords, etc . . . I mean, the camera alone was at least $4000 (Mamiya RZ 67). And that’s not including the lens!

I started crying again because now I have to explain to the people that were involved in the shoot and the magazine that I lost the film!  All that work, gone!

We left the station and went back to the hotel.

At this point, my flight has left already and as I sat back down at the owner’s office.

I told him that he’s going pay for everything.

My plane ticket back home and to stay at the hotel until my flight back and of course, my camera.

I called my parents and told them what happened.  They were horrified.

They kept on telling me that the hotel has to pay for my flight back and I can stay at the hotel for free until my flight back home because it was their fault.

I told the owner to call the airline to change my flight and pay for the change of ticket.

I thought he did . . . I mean, I heard him on the phone talking to them. 

More on this later.

The earliest flight back that they can get me was in 4 days.

I’m like 4 days!!

I literally have zero money!

Yes, I can stay at the hotel but how am I going to eat.

Let me tell you, that the owner was getting upset with me because he felt likeI was making too much demands and that I should be lucky that the insurance is going to pay for my camera.

I seriously don’t remember what happened next.

I think I walked out and they gave me a room in the attic of the hotel.

Yes, the attic . . . 

I mean, it was my own room and the roof fold in like a triangle but I was just happy that I had somewhere to stay.

The polaroids of the lost shoot (Leticia Birkeuer & Sabrina)

The polaroids of the lost shoot (Leticia Birkheuer & Sabrina)

I called the stylist, Morgane that styled the shoot and told her that my camera got stolen and the film is in the bag.

Within a couple of hours, she stopped by the hotel and let me tell you, she wasn’t having it.

She walked up to the receptionist and told that bitch off.

Understandably, she was upset because we all worked hard on that shoot and all the clothes were from Givenchy! Now, she has to explain to the PR people what happened.

That night I cried myself to sleep.

I seriously don’t remember what I did during the days I was stuck in Paris until my flight.

I think I spent a lot of time in bed or just walked around the Louvre and try to at least enjoy a little bit of Paris.

But, honestly, I just wanted to go home.

I barely ate and I barely had any energy to do anything.

All I remember was I was chain smoking like a freaking chimney!

The day of my departure.

Morgane, the stylist said she can drive me to the airport.

I was waiting for her outside the hotel (and let me tell you, the looks that I got when I left the hotel . . . I mean, if looks could kill!)  I was sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette when the receptionist (this time it was a different one but he knew what transpired) . . . he told me that I have a phone call.

It was Morgane. She said that her boyfriend’s car stalled in the middle of the highway and that she can’t take me to the airport.

I know, I know what you’re thinking.

What else could go wrong.

I started crying again and Morgane wanted to talk to receptionist to ask if there’s anyone there that can take me to the airport.  At this point, I only had 2 hours to get to Charles De Gaulle Airport and it’s an hour at best without traffic from the city center. and you have to be at the airport 3 hours in advance.  And taking the Metro, well, that’s out of the question.

I was literally panicking.

I can’t get stuck here again!

My life was constantly crying during that 4 days and the receptionist couldn’t stand it anymore and he called a cab for me and he took out his wallet and gave me 50 euros of his own money!

I wasn’t sure if it’s out of pity or he just wanted me to leave asap!

I took the money and got in the cab and headed to the airport.

I got to the airport and rushed to American Airline ticketing booth.

I waited in line and when I got to an agent and gave my passport.

You will never guess what happened???

The reservation is there but the charge for the change of ticket was never paid!

Yup, the owner lied to me and told me that he paid for my change of ticket.

At this point, there were no more tears!

I’d resigned.

I just literally stood there and didn’t know what to do.

The lady told me to step aside and she said that she called her manager to come and help me.

After 10 minutes, this British lady came for me and she walked me inside their office.

She looked at the history of my itinerary and she said, “Wow, so many changes to this ticket!”

I’m like, “Tell me about it!”

I recounted what happened and I gave her a copy of the police report just to prove that I was telling the truth.

She went to her computer and typed in something and she told me that she will waive the charge and let me board the flight back to LA!!

You cannot believe the feeling of relief!

It’s like I finally exhaled after not breathing at all for 4 days!

I think I was just excited to board the plane (even though they gave me the middle seat), because I get to eat! Literally, I didn’t eat for 3 days! I was running on coffee and cigarettes!

Don’t ask me how I can afford cigarettes but I was smoking them left and right!

As I got out of immigration in the United States and seeing my parents while coming down the escalator, you cannot imagine the feeling of just pure relief that I made it back home.

Yes, without a camera and I owed so many people money but just being back home . . . there’s no feeling like it.

Oh right, before I forget, the insurance of the hotel did pay for only half of the camera’s value.

Because of the depreciation of the camera, they were only going to pay for half.

And can you believe it, on top of that, the owner said to the insurance that they have to take a portion of the money to pay for my hotel stay for 4 days!

It took 3 months for the insurance to pay.

I started back to work without my medium format camera.

Thank god, I had my handy Nikon 35mm camera back at home!

To this day, I had no clue who stole my camera.

Was it the receptionist since she knew that I was a photographer?

Was it a guest that saw my camera bag and just took it?

I have no idea.

Moral of the story: DON’T LEAVE YOUR SHIT ANYWHERE!

My First Experience at Paris Fashion Week

The first time I went to see my first fashion show was in 2006.

My fellow photographer, Miguel Rosales was covering men’s fashion week in the summer of 2006.

I don’t know how I finagled myself into go with him to the shows but I guess, I just tagged along with him even though I didn’t have an invitation.  Since, I didn’t have an invite, I was always anxious to go along with him because there’s no guarantee that I will get in and the embarrassment of getting rejected, well, it’s just humiliating in front of these judgmental fashionistas. I mean, I didn’t have any cool clothes . . . and since it’s summer, I was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. Not very fashionable.  I think I was even sporting a vest that I got from a second hand shop at the Marais. How embarrassing!

Anyways, the first show that I went to that I can remember was Bernhard Willhelm.

In these things, getting in the venue was always nerve racking . . . first of all, you’re always running to get to the venue and when you get there thinking that you’re late and they wouldn’t let you in anymore . . . but then you arrive, there’s a huge crowd and the people that does the door with their clipboards, hand picking the people to get in first (it’s like a nightclub where you got to know people at the door). To some relief, we weren’t late at all but being amongst all these smoking fashion boys and girls, scanning ever inch of you . . . well, let’s just say, I just stared in the distance and aching just to get in. Usually, Miguel, since he’s a native to Paris, he knows a lot of people so he would mingle and have a little small talk, whilst me, I’m like the lump of coal that he had to carry around and my French isn’t up to par to chime in the conversation, so I literally just stood there just nodding and doing a half smile, but deep inside, I just want to get in so I can pee! hahaha

The shows never start on time and they have to wait for all the editors and buyers from the previous show to arrive. 

Finally, they’re letting the general public in . . . at this point, the show is like 20 minutes late and we’re still outside waiting. All of a sudden a tsunami of people rush to get in. I think I just got caught in the melee and in an instant, I was in the foyer and walking up the stairs into the venue.  

Miguel and I looked for an empty spot to sit down on the benches while everyone was just rushing to their seats and the people working the event yelling at everyone to sit down.

It was hot and the sun was beating down on that gymnasium.  Of course, it’s the middle of summer and the French doesn’t believe in air conditioning.  I mean, it was sweltering.  I was fanning myself with anything that I can gather and then the music started blaring and the spotlights light up the path that the models are walking onto.  When the first model started walking, there’s this calmness that happens . . . everyone’s quiet and we were busy trying to meticulous judge the clothes. As for me, I was mesmerized with the whole thing . . . the fact that I was sitting and watching the show in Paris of all places and I am amongst all these fashion people (whom some of them I recognized on TV), well, it was like I was having an out of body experience and still couldn’t believe that I was there.

Bernhard Willhelm in Paris, France

Bernhard Willhelm in Paris, France

With each outfit that came out, one model, two models at a time and sometimes an ensemble of them together and the garments that they were wearing, I couldn’t help to think, wow, now that’s fashion.  I mean, some of them were a bit weird and the styling was really over the top, but in essence, that’s the point of fashion shows. It’s to be creative and to put your branding or aesthetic for the whole world to see.  I may not like it but it’s the idea that I am very fascinated about.  

Ten minutes later, the whole cast of models start walking out and the show was over.

Yes, it’s that quick! Some started rushing the exits even before the designer came out.

I don’t think they want to leave because the show was bad . . . for the most part, it’s because they have to rush to go to the next show.  

Miguel and I sat there until the end and we mingled with people and talked a little about the collection.

I mean, it was an international crowd so for the most part, I was speaking English to everyone I’ve met. 

I’d asked Miguel why are some people going back stage and he said, “oh, that’s only for VIP or editors or buyers!”

We headed outside and people are just hanging out and smoking cigarettes and asking each other what other shows they’re invited to.

I mean, I was still in cloud nine after watching the show and I was fully satisfied if this was my only one.

Then, Miguel pulled out some invitations and trying to see which one we can go next.

I think we did like 6 or 7 more shows together and some presentations (not a runway but a showroom).

We went to see Walter Van Bereindonck presentation which I introduced myself to him whilst he and his models were interacting with the crowd and drinking champagne.

Miguel Rosales and Elien at the Walter Van Beirendonck presentation in Paris France

Walter Van Bereindonck Presentation in Paris, France

It’s funny, going to the presentations, I thought it was way better because you can actually drink and eat some hors d’oeuvres and actually see the clothes up close and touch it.

I don’t want to recount all the shows I went to that season because it would be a freaking novel, but with each show that I got in, it got comfortable and that anxiety subsided.

Funny enough, one day during that week, Miguel said, “why don’t we take the bus!” 

I’m like, “the bus?” (with a tone of irony in my voice)

During fashion week in Paris, the organizers of Paris Fashion Week dedicate a bus to take everyone to all the shows.

It’s like a personal carriage that people in fashion can ride so they don’t have to take public transport.

The only thing is that you’re stuck with all these people all day everyday and let’s just say, even with fashion people, gurl, have you heard of a deodorant!  I mean, I understand that the schedule is grueling and the parties at night keep you up and don’t have time to shower but seriously, walking inside that bus, the stench is just not fashion like.

This predates iPhones so literally, you have no choice but to interact with people and stare out of the window to entertain yourself.  

One of my memories that I remember is speaking to this guy, who back in the day had a big blog called Facehunter.

He photographed people outside the shows with their outfits and blog about them in his website.

He was very successful because a lot of people in fashion, including me would die to be featured in his blog.

I mean, I had no chance in being in it since I wasn’t fashionable back then but I was pleasantly surprised that I got a chance to chat with him on the bus — I think we were all bored going to one place to the other that little chit chat broke the monotony.  

The best part of the being in the bus is when you arrive.

The people that worked at the venue assume that everyone in that bus has an invitation so you get ushered inside, bypassing those big burly bodyguards that scan you with your invite. 

So, we did that for a day . . . 

Honestly, though after awhile, seeing clothes paraded all day; listening to people talk about themselves and how fabulous their life is in fashion and the waiting and rushing to go to each of the venues . . . it was freaking tiring.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was fun and exciting but after the third day, even Miguel said, “you can have my invitations for the day because I’m tired!”  

I was also tired and want a break.

But there was only one show that he want to go to and it was at the tail end of fashion week and it was Raf Simons.

Honestly, at that time, I didn’t really know much about Raf but I knew that he was a big designer.

And now that show it will be very difficult to get in.

I took my chance and at this point, I figured I went all this time without an invitation, luck was on my side.

The venue was at The Palais Omnisports de Paris-Bercy.

It was quite a trek to get there and it was late afternoon and I think Miguel was just finishing his job and was going to meet me at outside the venue.  I got there first, I think was like 30 minutes early, I went to a cafe to wait for him.

And I’ve noticed all these fashion people coming out of the Metro and walking to the venue. Even at the cafe, there were a few people that we’re just waiting out the time to get in the show.

Of course, me, my hands started to sweat, my heart was beating a mile a minute (well the espresso doesn’t help) and I kept looking at the time and wondering what’s taking Miguel so long to get there.  

I didn’t have enough credit on my phone to call him (yes, I was that poor!) and this is before wifi . . . so I was just waiting and waiting . . . 

As the crowd started to grow and I can see from the distance that there’s a clump of people in front of the doors of the venue, out comes Miguel from the Metro.  

The joy of seeing him and he didn’t stood me up . . . well, let’s just say, he was a sight for sore eyes.

We proceeded to walk amongst all these Raf Simons’ fanatics and a few people are really decked out with head to toe Raf and we fell in line and waiting to go inside.

This is when my heart started to race again and Miguel kept on reassuring me that I will get in.

Easy enough for him to say, he had the ticket!

We were inching to the door and security guards were letting people in one by one . . . scrutinizing their invites and what’s inside their purses.

All of a sudden, Miguel handed me the envelope of the invite and said, “just show this to them!” as he clung on to his invitation. 

In my mind, I’m like, “WTF is this!!”

They would easily look inside and there’s no invitation!

The moment of truth, we were in front of these 2 huge guys!

They asked us for our invitation.

Miguel showed his and I showed the envelope . . . I know what you’re thinking . . . it’s exactly what I’m thinking to so don’t worry!

As I predicted, one security guard looked inside the envelope and asked me in French, “where’s the invitation?”

Mind you, Miguel was already in the hall way waiting for me to pass . . . I started to panic and pretended to look inside my bag for that elusive invitation . . . of course, the people behind me were moaning to hurry it up or move out of the way . . . 

I was casted aside by one of the security guard while I pretended to look for something in my bag that looked remotely like an invitation . . . of course, I had my Metro card and a pack of smokes and my camera in there . . . 

What seemed like an eternity and looking at the crowd getting in and rummaging through my bag, out comes Miguel to explain to security that I’m with him! I don’t know what they were saying . . . it was all in French and I was too rattled to care . . . then, I looked up and the security guard, knowing that I didn’t have an invitation just nodded at me to get in! I was in complete shock at this point . . . Miguel grabbed me and rushed me to get inside.

My emotions were frayed at that point.

Seriously, I had no idea what just happened.

Anyways, as we walked inside this huge space, all I saw were benches all around with editors, buyers and fashionistas mingling around one another and the scaffoldings all around with these huge lights, I can’t describe the whole atmosphere accurately but let me tell you, it was like no other . . . well, at that point, I was so naive and never been to this kind of event this heavy produced and massive . . . it was awesome!

Of course, all the important people in fashion got to sit down with their name written down on place cards as for peasants like me, I had to stand. 

At this point, the show was late and the over eager interns and people that were working the venue were screaming at everyone to sit down or if you’re standing to stand in the back.

I wanted to have a full view of the show so I ran and snuck myself just on the feet of the people at the pit!

The pit is where all the photographers that shoot the looks of the collection for all the magazine publications all over the world.

As the show was starting, I think one of the interns saw me and tried said that I can’t be where I was situated.

With a look of bewilderment and disgust, I stood up slowly and was angry that I had to leave my spot.

Whilst I was gathering my stuff, all the lights shut off and the show began.

Bitch, I immediately knelt down and the intern ran back somewhere but at this point, the first look walked passed me.

Let’s just say, I had the best spot to see the show and I got to photograph the whole thing!

I saw Miguel sitting in the back row but I think he stood up at one point because he couldn’t see anything from the back row.  

At some point, I think a couple of people ran towards me to get a better view of the show.

Literally, there’s fluorescent tape all along the pit and if you go past that, these little interns would scream at you!

But, when the show started, they can’t do shit so these 2 people sat beside me and started taking pictures themselves.

I literally had to fight for the shots that I got because they’re cameras were sometimes blocking me.

It’s crazy because once the show started, people will do anything to get the shot.

I mean, they will claw or go in front of you to do so . . . and not give a shit. 

You really have to fight to get the shot.

I mean, even at the pit, you can hear people argue because someone’s lens is on the way.

Or someone is late and they try to get inside the pit and literally, there’s no spot for them.

I mean, I understand because this is their job and they have to get the shots for their publications or else, they will be in big trouble.  

Oh right, when the spotlights start to turn back on again and even the first look comes through, you can hear from the pit, “FEET, FEET, FEET!” 

I’m like, WTF is “FEET?”

Then, you hear out this boisterous voice in the pit, “GET YOUR FEET OUT OF THE WAY!” 

Oh ok, now I get it!!

Then, you see all these editors and fashion people start to fold their feet under their chairs!! 

It’s so funny to see and hear!

And yes, I think most of the photographers, well, the ones that I’ve had the chance to talk to all spoke English.

 When the show started and the first look came out . . . I was just in heaven!

It’s so euphoric and so exciting. I think at one point, I just put down my camera for a second so I can actually see from my own eyes what’s going on the runway. A second later, I was on that view finder and started shooting!

I’m like with all the drama to get in here . . . I’m going to get my shots!

The clothes were amazing and the shoes especially . . . I mean, what I would do to get those shoes.

It was so futuristic and cool that I knew it will be hella expensive just to get them!

Raf Simons

Shoe detail at Raf Simons

Raf Simons

Again, just when you think the show had just started and the bombardment of male model coming at you so quickly, the lights dimmed again and the show was over.  I’m like, “that’s it?”

I mean, there’s like 50-60 models that passed by but because they are like walking so fast, the show was like 10 minutes tops. That’s what I’ve noticed, shows here in Paris . . . they are quick.

The waiting around for the show to start or falling in line to get in is where the longest part of going to the shows.

The show ended with all the models parades through and Raf came out to take his bow.

However, everyone in that pit started to pack their gear and some of them descended from the raised pit.

I ran towards Miguel and I hugged him.

I was just so lucky to have him invite me to go to this because it was so special and amazing and I could never thank him enough.

We riffled out of the venue to go outside to have a smoke and recount what had happened.

For me it was a dream and it’s funny to look at Miguel and perhaps he doesn’t know this but I’m sure he’s thinking, it’s just another show, another fashion week, another event to go to . . . but for me, because it’s my first fashion week, it was special!  I got to the shows without any invitations and still managed to get in.

My blog featured in Vogue Girl Korea

A year after my first Paris Fashion Week, I documented all my shenanigans on my first blog. (I won’t say the name of my blog because now it’s private.

Yes, I had blog that I started in 2007. 

It was the height of that blogger craze and I followed of them like Bryanboy, Suzie Bubble and FaceHunter.

Well, because of that blog, I guess, because I was writing a lot about fashion, that blog was featured in Vogue Korea!!

Yes, I guess, one of my readers sent me a copy of the write up that was written about my blog.

I was shocked and amazed because I was just writing about my experiences and I thought only my friends were reading it.  But, there it was featured in Vogue.

Here’s the more of the story and how to survive and get in to Paris Fashion Week.

 1) Have friends in fashion.  Literally, if you’re with them and they have an invitation, 90% of the time (well maybe not Chanel or Dior or the bigger designers) you can get in.

2) Pretend not to speak French.

For the most part, a lot of the people that work at the door only speak French or they’re not fluent in English.

So, if you speak fast in English and kind of make a little scene (but not be rude), 9 out of 10 they don’t want to deal with you and they reluctantly let you in.

3)  Confidence and look the part.

I mean, I didn’t look the part at all but I still got in.

But, what I’ve noticed is that some people are just dressed amazingly and because they are confident and thought that they belonged, they got it.

4) Contact magazines or Press Offices

After my first fashion week, I asked Miguel how he got all those invitations.

For the most part, he said because he’d worked with some of the people at the Press Offices and that’s how he got invitations. But, he said, if you contact magazines and propose to them that you can cover fashion week for them to publish in their magazine, then it’s easier for you to contact the PR firms or the designers directly to get the credentials to get in backstage or get an invitation as a guest.

Later on, I got my affairs in order and did it the “right” way and got credentials to get the shows.

But, my first time at Paris Fashion Week was the best because it was exciting and full of drama and because it was in Paris! 

Again, sorry for the long ass story time.

But, if you made it this far, thank you for reading and please let me know what you think of my experience and if you have any stories to tell about fashion week, please write it down in the comments! I’d love to read it!

Thank you again to Miguel Rosales for giving me the chance to get to these shows and for always supporting me. Yes, we are still in contact (very much so) and he still lives in Paris and is still working as a fashion photographer!

5 things I’ve learned throughout my career

Travel

I encourage everyone to travel.

It changes your eye and perspective in what you know about the world.

Traveling helped developed my eye to seeing how others live and I inject that into my work.

I may not know or pinpoint it on my photographs but I know that traveling and learning different perspectives and ideas from other people . . . well, that’s knowledge that they don’t teach in school.

I lived briefly in Australia, Germany, France and Mexico. 

And it all of those places, I’ve gain so much experience in working in those markets.

Of course, Paris is my favorite city in the world. Not only is it beautiful, but just being outside and listening to people talk French and eating baguettes, well that’s enough to inspire you to shoot.

PS: People are a gasp when they see the Eiffel Tower in your portfolio . . . not knowing that you and the model crawled under the fence and got the perfect shot of the the tower . . . 10 minutes later, the security guard is chasing you away!

Honesty

In a serious tone, throughout my career, I think I wanted what others have. I had what they kids say these days, FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) . . . I wanted the fancier camera, I wanted to  shoot like Steven Meisel, I wanted those expensive Prada shoes!

Only recently, I just stood back and looked at my work and realized, why did all of that matter?  I wasn’t honest with myself . . . I was trying to be someone that I’m not . . . 

I learned from all those experiences that all that mattered was my own perspective and where my creativity lies is with myself.  I’m not interested in the fancy ball gowns shot in a garden nor I wanted to do these elaborate concepts . . . In the beginning I didn’t know what I was doing but in all honesty, I think that was the best thing I ever did . . . I was naive to what’s out there and all the ideas that I had was pure and it came from within . . . and that’s what people liked about my photographs.

So, being honest with oneself and really dig deep to what really matters to him/her, is what counts . . . I know, it’s already a given, but trust me, there will be people around you that says otherwise.

Self Reliance

Being on shoots with a team around you . . . I was always curious of what they are all doing . . . I mean, seriously, I was more interested in how eye shadows are applied than working on lighting the studio . . . 

I just learned little things here and there;  from how to blow dry hair to how to reach out to PR firms to get clothes . . . 

I think from the beginning, I wanted everything my way . . . sometimes, I’m a bit stubborn because I want everything just the way I like it . . . Stylists sometimes hate me because I would rearrange the rack of clothes that they meticulously organized the night before because I wanted it to be my own aesthetic . . . yes, that I am still working on to back off!

However, there’s been way too many times where there’s a schedule conflict and one of your team members can’t make it or someone cancels . . . bitch, I’m not the one!

So I started learning how to do hair (basic stuff) and makeup and I am quite good in shopping at the Goodwill stores and styling my shoots.

Perhaps, it’s just me because sometimes I hear from models that shoots had been cancelled because the hair/makeup people didn’t show up . . . Fuck that . . . I’m here to work so I’ll do everything if I have to . . .

Kids, teach yourself how to do everything! If you can’t do it . . . google it or Youtube it!

Be Humble

Yes, in my early years, I was as cocky and overbearing because I thought I was the shit!

I think having that attitude is amazing but you also have to check yourself and be humble.

Looking back, I wish I would have thank all the people that got me to where I am . . . trust me, I’ve burned a lot of bridges and I’ve learned from those mistakes (and still making them!).

What I learned though is to humble yourself.

Know what your capable of and ask for help!

There had been times where I was down and out in NYC where I was sleeping in my friend’s kitchen because I had no place to go. Yes, the kitchen!

If that’s not humbling . . . well, then you don’t know the half of it.

I am thankful for the things that I’ve gotten but still I still have to remind myself each day . . . “you’re only as good as your next shoot!”

So, don’t believe your own hype because around the corner . . . there’s another teenager that will surpass you!

Tenacity

I made it 2 decades in this business but not giving up!

There are times where I questioned myself, “why are you still doing this?”

I’m still poor and still live in a studio apartment but what I have is a career that I care about and I work for myself.  

I didn’t give up.  

I used all my energy and creativity to find jobs and to make connections . . . 

I want to continue and persevere and strive to do more and create more and have that big Mac Mansion with a white picket fence and a cowboy for a husband!

There were a lot of people that helped me along the way.

I was that person that emailed non stop to get the next gig no matter where it is in the world.

All I knew was that it’s only a plane ride away.

I hope these 5 things helps a little.

I know I ramble but that’s how I got to where I am today.

Until next time!! Tah Tah for now and okrrrrr!

My Beginning

I wanted to start this blog mainly to jot down my thoughts about my life as a photographer.

I have been in the business for quite awhile now (which I never thought it would go on for this long).  I started my fashion photography career in NYC in 1999.  I lived in Los Angeles but I knew I wanted to move to NYC and pursue something . . . . seriously, I had no idea what I wanted to do but I packed my bags and moved to NYC blindly.

Perhaps, I was inspired by the Club Kids (I watched Geraldo and saw these creative people) and I wanted to be a part of that . . . but I knew NYC was the city that nurtured creativity and also I can express myself truly . . . being a gay man.

I moved into the St. George Hotel in Brooklyn Heights and that’s when I met all these creative people . . . 

I took odd jobs in NYC like a executive assistant to an architectural firm that help build the Staten Island Ferry Station . . . but the most interesting job that I got (which my stint there was like a month) was a photo studio that did all the bedding photography from the likes of Laura Ashley and Martha Steward to name a few . . . 

I went in wanting a job in graphic design but the owner saw me and said, “No, no no . . . you’re too fabulous to sit in a chair in front of a computer!” “You need to be in the studio floor and help create sets for these bed!” 

Mind you, I had no experience at all and I didn’t even know if I said yes to the job but all I remember was being on set my first day and working with the prop stylists, helping them shop and build sets . . . . ok, that’s a lie . . . they stuck me in the storage room and told me to organize the shelves! I mean, I needed a job and money so I did it . . . Literally, everyday, I would just bury myself in that storage room until I clocked out!  

However, I did get to style one bed set for Martha Stewart which the owner was ok with but he said I was too edgy and way too many ideas . . . 

At some point, I think he knew that I was inexperienced and had to let me go . . . I think he just wanted a young person in his office to bring something different . . . 

But from that I learned that I had something innate and a gift being creative . . . but still had no idea what it is . .

Being on set though  taught me a lot about lighting and photography . . . 

Though, I had some knowledge of photography already from school but being in that professional environment and talking to the photographers, I was more interested in being behind the camera and creating images . . .

I guess, my break in to fashion photography was shooting my friend Nalani from the St. George Hotel.  I had no idea that she was a model, I just thought she was so beautiful and ethereal that she would be a great model . . . she was from Hawaii and going to school at the Fashion Institute of Technology . . . we strolled around the neighborhood and shot for a couple of hours . . . when I got the contact sheets back the week after (yes, it took that long to get pictures back from the lab!) . . . I gave it to her . . . what I didn’t know was she gave them to her agent at Elite Models and next thing you know, I got a call from one of her agent, asking if I could tests more of their models . . .

Nalani shot in Brooklyn, NY

Mind you, again, I was just fooling around with Nalani not knowing that the images from that gave me the “in” to the fashion photography.

I met the agents at Elite Models (Connor, Roman & Miguel) and started working with their models in the summer of 1999. I schlepped my book around (which had like 4 pictures of Nalani) from NY Models, Karin Models, Metropolitan Models, Click Models, Trump just to name a few . . . and almost all of them gave me models to shoot . . . I developed a great relationship as well with Jennifer Rubinett at IMG. We ki-kied a lot at the office and she gave me quality girls to shoot and added amazing content to my book!

I mean, I had no idea what I was doing . . . I think I just wanted shoot as many models so I can fill my book . . . in the beginning, there was no rhyme or reason to my method, I just shot everything . . . mostly, outside shots and in my tiny tiny apartment on 18th Street and 3rd Ave in Manhattan.

Damn, those were the times . . . it was hot, humid and I had no air conditioning . . . and that apartment building was dilapidated and run down and I had 2 roommates that I barely saw . . . I think they were hermits or something . . . but I would have models come in and out of that apartment and just hung out in between their castings and jobs . . . 

Crazy because from coming in to NYC without a clue of what I wanted to do, fast forward a year after, I was shooting models and making money doing so.

I immerse myself in fashion and photography and I literally ate, slept and shit fashion!

I was going to fashion parties, fashion shows and where ever there’s fashion in the city, I was in it!  

Sara, shot at the Promenade, Brooklyn Heights

The next turning point of my career was when I traveled to Paris.

My boyfriend then, whom I met whilst we were living at the St. George Hotel moved back to Paris and invited me to come and visit him.

I immediately asked all the agencies in NY that I’m going to Paris and wanted to see if they can hook me up with their affiliates out there . . . and of course, they hooked it up!

To be honest, that was my first time in Paris and I was just at awe of everything . . . I mean, even now, I am still at awe . . . but my mind wasn’t really shooting there . . . it was more the experience in being in foreign country.

But, being in the fashion capital of the world, these agencies are use to high high fashion and honestly, I was a bit more NY style, man on the street, candid shots of models . . . and I really had to readjust the way I shoot in Paris because there’s no way, they will get the pictures they want for the model’s book.

I befriended a lot of stylists and makeup and hair people to collaborate with them . . . again, I had no idea that it took a budget and production to make fashion photography.

Beatrice shot near the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France

I was so use to just doing everything on my own and using what I have in my closet . . . but when I was in Paris, I had to wait for hair/makeup to get done and the stylists putting all these outrageous clothes to the girls . . . it was an eye opening experience which I learned so much just being there . . . but to look back at those images . . . it’s very cringe worthy but I was young and inexperienced . . . 

It’s crazy back then, because my ego was so inflated when I was in NYC, I was so cocky and so self assured of my talent that I didn’t care what others thought of me . . . yea, I was making things as I went along . .  and you know that saying “fake it until you make it,” well, that was me back in the day.

One of the craziest thing I did when I was in Paris was to see a photo rep agency, Jed Root.

Literally, I had no business being there because I didn’t have anything substantial in my book; no editorials at all . . . just tests but I went there with the confidence and attitude of “I don’t care what you think of my work, because I know I’m good!” 

I think the agent that saw me was very much entertained with my moxie that he said, “you’re work isn’t to the standard of the photographers that we represent and you have a long way to go, but you’re attitude and confidence will get you far!” 

That meeting was turning point in my career.

I knew that I had something . . . but I just need to get in gear and step it up!

I was in Paris for a little over 2 months and I went back to NYC with a whole new experience and knowledge of what I can do better and improve on.

I worked tirelessly to improve and traveled all over the US to work in different markets and see what each niche needed and see if my photos would go well in that market.

I think just saying that I’m from NYC gave me the in with all these other agencies across the country and started to travel more and more . . .

It was only when Sept. 11 2001 when things changed forever.

I will leave it here . . . I feel like I spout out too much already and if you made it this far, thank you for reading this and leave me a comment on what you think of my crazy life!

I want to write more . . . even just random stuff and try to write consistently so you can have your doze of my crazy life!