The Business of Billie Eilish

On March 11, 2016, I met and worked with singer/songwriter, Billie Eilish.

Back then, she was 13 years old.

I was acquainted with her by her brother, Finneas.

When I met her, I wasn’t starstruck or even impressed because I thought she’s just another bleach blonde white girl from Burbank. She had those blue doe eyes and she wore oversized sweater and jeans and Nike Air Force Ones.  Billie at first was very shy and quiet, I mean, she didn’t know me so she was reserved and just scanned everything around her.  She was so young and there wasn’t anything for me to connect with other than this photo shoot.

Meeting people for the first time, sometimes it’s awkward at first because literally I’m thinking how well can you be in front of the camera? Are you photogenic? Are you animated? Will you just stand there and give me the deer in head lights look?  With Billie, seeing her physical attributes, I knew that the camera will love her.  And in fact, I was right.

When I saw her with the natural light, her alabaster skin and those blue eyes, I knew that shooting her by a window would be magical.  Call it instinct or just my experience, I knew I will get something cool and simple.  And I did.  She’s the type of subject that can just sit there and every angle of her face, the camera would just love.  She literally just sat the chair and she knew instinctively how to move in front of the camera.  I think it was the nuances of her movement that I distinctly remember.  She understand her body and her emotions so well because she emoted through her eyes.  It’s innate to her how to do it.  I can’t explain it to people.  It’s either you have it or you don’t.  She does.

After that, the shoot went rather quickly.  I changed into her next look and I shot the rest of the time in the studio.  All they wanted were portraits to use for publicity for magazines and blogs and so I did.  Again, in front of the camera, she can’t go wrong.  To this day, it’s still hard to edit down her pictures because almost all of them are perfection.

I think the shoot lasted an hour?  

It’s was super simple.  No makeup. No hair. No styling.

Just her and her clothes.

It’s funny because people get a little awkward when other people are there watching you shoot.

However, it didn’t bother her that her manager and her brother was there watching.

They left and a week later, I handed them the pictures and I thought that was it.

Again, at this point, she was no one. She wasn’t signed to a record label. Other than Perez Hilton give her a shout out in his blog, she was relatively unknown.  

A few months had passed when her manager contacted me to say that her record label is going to contact me to negotiate in buying an image that I shot of her for the album cover.

I was blown away.  I never knew that this little photo shoot would go anywhere!  

And so this is when the business comes in.

I’m not going to disclose monetary compensation here.

Let’s just say, I was low balled.

It was partly my fault because I should have held out.

But, they were dangling this little nugget that if I refused, that I wouldn’t get the cover for her album, Ocean Eyes.  

Eventually, I said yes and let’s just say, I regretted ever since.

I don’t regret shooting Billie. Don’t get me wrong, I love working with her.

It’s the Hollywood machine that I regret participating in.

These people are conniving, deceitful and will use you until they get every ounce of you.

I know that’s being dramatic and you probably would think, well, it comes with the territory and I should have known better.

They got what they wanted and they moved on.

I mean, I did get what I wanted too because I use her image for my website and publicity.

I just felt I just got cheated and scammed.

Again, it’s no fault of Billie because it’s not her, it’s the people behind her that’s doing everything.

Even after the whole deal when through and the manager said to me that I could shoot Billie again, well, that never happened.

All I got was, “Very sorry she's already way, way up!”

Meaning, she’s too big for you and how can you even ask.

When people ask me, how I got to shoot with Billie Eilish, I say, it was a fluke.

I was very lucky to have the opportunity to work with her because perhaps it did raise my “clout” factor. Though they never did credit me on that album cover.

Nonetheless, it is what it is.  

What I don’t like when the Hollywood machine takes advantage of minority owned small business and capitalize on the hard work and effort that I made for myself.

So, my advice to any photographers/artists out there — have a model release form at hand.

To all of Billie’s fans, here are some outtakes (never seen before) pictures of Billie’s photo session with me!

REAL TALK with Horace Gold

I sat down with singer/song writer and actor Horace Gold of Los Angeles and we discuss the entertainment industry and how he is surviving in the pandemic and how creatively dealing with the lack of work and interaction with other creatives.

I sat down with singer/song writer and actor Horace Gold of Los Angeles and we discuss the entertainment industry and how he is surviving in the pandemic and how creatively dealing with the lack of work and interaction with other creatives.

REAL TALK with Storm Gardner

I had a great pleasure to speak to one of my good friends, Storm Gardner. He's a renown singer/songwriter living in LA. Talked about the creative freedom that one gets whilst in lockdown. And how artists are tuning inward to find inspiration and how clarity of your true voice rings louder now than every before. Storm really is an inspiration and gives so much knowledge and perspective and how even in a pandemic, you find your true calling and voice. Enjoy our impromptu talk!

I had a great pleasure to speak to one of my good friends, Storm Gardner. He's a renown singer/songwriter living in LA. 
Talked about the creative freedom that one gets whilst in lockdown.
And how artists are tuning inward to find inspiration and how clarity of your true voice rings louder now than every before. Storm really is an inspiration and gives so much knowledge and perspective and how even in a pandemic, you find your true calling and voice.
Enjoy our impromptu talk!

https://soundcloud.com/user-721060674/real-talk-with-storm-garnder

5 things I’ve learned throughout my career

Travel

I encourage everyone to travel.

It changes your eye and perspective in what you know about the world.

Traveling helped developed my eye to seeing how others live and I inject that into my work.

I may not know or pinpoint it on my photographs but I know that traveling and learning different perspectives and ideas from other people . . . well, that’s knowledge that they don’t teach in school.

I lived briefly in Australia, Germany, France and Mexico. 

And it all of those places, I’ve gain so much experience in working in those markets.

Of course, Paris is my favorite city in the world. Not only is it beautiful, but just being outside and listening to people talk French and eating baguettes, well that’s enough to inspire you to shoot.

PS: People are a gasp when they see the Eiffel Tower in your portfolio . . . not knowing that you and the model crawled under the fence and got the perfect shot of the the tower . . . 10 minutes later, the security guard is chasing you away!

Honesty

In a serious tone, throughout my career, I think I wanted what others have. I had what they kids say these days, FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) . . . I wanted the fancier camera, I wanted to  shoot like Steven Meisel, I wanted those expensive Prada shoes!

Only recently, I just stood back and looked at my work and realized, why did all of that matter?  I wasn’t honest with myself . . . I was trying to be someone that I’m not . . . 

I learned from all those experiences that all that mattered was my own perspective and where my creativity lies is with myself.  I’m not interested in the fancy ball gowns shot in a garden nor I wanted to do these elaborate concepts . . . In the beginning I didn’t know what I was doing but in all honesty, I think that was the best thing I ever did . . . I was naive to what’s out there and all the ideas that I had was pure and it came from within . . . and that’s what people liked about my photographs.

So, being honest with oneself and really dig deep to what really matters to him/her, is what counts . . . I know, it’s already a given, but trust me, there will be people around you that says otherwise.

Self Reliance

Being on shoots with a team around you . . . I was always curious of what they are all doing . . . I mean, seriously, I was more interested in how eye shadows are applied than working on lighting the studio . . . 

I just learned little things here and there;  from how to blow dry hair to how to reach out to PR firms to get clothes . . . 

I think from the beginning, I wanted everything my way . . . sometimes, I’m a bit stubborn because I want everything just the way I like it . . . Stylists sometimes hate me because I would rearrange the rack of clothes that they meticulously organized the night before because I wanted it to be my own aesthetic . . . yes, that I am still working on to back off!

However, there’s been way too many times where there’s a schedule conflict and one of your team members can’t make it or someone cancels . . . bitch, I’m not the one!

So I started learning how to do hair (basic stuff) and makeup and I am quite good in shopping at the Goodwill stores and styling my shoots.

Perhaps, it’s just me because sometimes I hear from models that shoots had been cancelled because the hair/makeup people didn’t show up . . . Fuck that . . . I’m here to work so I’ll do everything if I have to . . .

Kids, teach yourself how to do everything! If you can’t do it . . . google it or Youtube it!

Be Humble

Yes, in my early years, I was as cocky and overbearing because I thought I was the shit!

I think having that attitude is amazing but you also have to check yourself and be humble.

Looking back, I wish I would have thank all the people that got me to where I am . . . trust me, I’ve burned a lot of bridges and I’ve learned from those mistakes (and still making them!).

What I learned though is to humble yourself.

Know what your capable of and ask for help!

There had been times where I was down and out in NYC where I was sleeping in my friend’s kitchen because I had no place to go. Yes, the kitchen!

If that’s not humbling . . . well, then you don’t know the half of it.

I am thankful for the things that I’ve gotten but still I still have to remind myself each day . . . “you’re only as good as your next shoot!”

So, don’t believe your own hype because around the corner . . . there’s another teenager that will surpass you!

Tenacity

I made it 2 decades in this business but not giving up!

There are times where I questioned myself, “why are you still doing this?”

I’m still poor and still live in a studio apartment but what I have is a career that I care about and I work for myself.  

I didn’t give up.  

I used all my energy and creativity to find jobs and to make connections . . . 

I want to continue and persevere and strive to do more and create more and have that big Mac Mansion with a white picket fence and a cowboy for a husband!

There were a lot of people that helped me along the way.

I was that person that emailed non stop to get the next gig no matter where it is in the world.

All I knew was that it’s only a plane ride away.

I hope these 5 things helps a little.

I know I ramble but that’s how I got to where I am today.

Until next time!! Tah Tah for now and okrrrrr!

My Beginning

I wanted to start this blog mainly to jot down my thoughts about my life as a photographer.

I have been in the business for quite awhile now (which I never thought it would go on for this long).  I started my fashion photography career in NYC in 1999.  I lived in Los Angeles but I knew I wanted to move to NYC and pursue something . . . . seriously, I had no idea what I wanted to do but I packed my bags and moved to NYC blindly.

Perhaps, I was inspired by the Club Kids (I watched Geraldo and saw these creative people) and I wanted to be a part of that . . . but I knew NYC was the city that nurtured creativity and also I can express myself truly . . . being a gay man.

I moved into the St. George Hotel in Brooklyn Heights and that’s when I met all these creative people . . . 

I took odd jobs in NYC like a executive assistant to an architectural firm that help build the Staten Island Ferry Station . . . but the most interesting job that I got (which my stint there was like a month) was a photo studio that did all the bedding photography from the likes of Laura Ashley and Martha Steward to name a few . . . 

I went in wanting a job in graphic design but the owner saw me and said, “No, no no . . . you’re too fabulous to sit in a chair in front of a computer!” “You need to be in the studio floor and help create sets for these bed!” 

Mind you, I had no experience at all and I didn’t even know if I said yes to the job but all I remember was being on set my first day and working with the prop stylists, helping them shop and build sets . . . . ok, that’s a lie . . . they stuck me in the storage room and told me to organize the shelves! I mean, I needed a job and money so I did it . . . Literally, everyday, I would just bury myself in that storage room until I clocked out!  

However, I did get to style one bed set for Martha Stewart which the owner was ok with but he said I was too edgy and way too many ideas . . . 

At some point, I think he knew that I was inexperienced and had to let me go . . . I think he just wanted a young person in his office to bring something different . . . 

But from that I learned that I had something innate and a gift being creative . . . but still had no idea what it is . .

Being on set though  taught me a lot about lighting and photography . . . 

Though, I had some knowledge of photography already from school but being in that professional environment and talking to the photographers, I was more interested in being behind the camera and creating images . . .

I guess, my break in to fashion photography was shooting my friend Nalani from the St. George Hotel.  I had no idea that she was a model, I just thought she was so beautiful and ethereal that she would be a great model . . . she was from Hawaii and going to school at the Fashion Institute of Technology . . . we strolled around the neighborhood and shot for a couple of hours . . . when I got the contact sheets back the week after (yes, it took that long to get pictures back from the lab!) . . . I gave it to her . . . what I didn’t know was she gave them to her agent at Elite Models and next thing you know, I got a call from one of her agent, asking if I could tests more of their models . . .

Nalani shot in Brooklyn, NY

Mind you, again, I was just fooling around with Nalani not knowing that the images from that gave me the “in” to the fashion photography.

I met the agents at Elite Models (Connor, Roman & Miguel) and started working with their models in the summer of 1999. I schlepped my book around (which had like 4 pictures of Nalani) from NY Models, Karin Models, Metropolitan Models, Click Models, Trump just to name a few . . . and almost all of them gave me models to shoot . . . I developed a great relationship as well with Jennifer Rubinett at IMG. We ki-kied a lot at the office and she gave me quality girls to shoot and added amazing content to my book!

I mean, I had no idea what I was doing . . . I think I just wanted shoot as many models so I can fill my book . . . in the beginning, there was no rhyme or reason to my method, I just shot everything . . . mostly, outside shots and in my tiny tiny apartment on 18th Street and 3rd Ave in Manhattan.

Damn, those were the times . . . it was hot, humid and I had no air conditioning . . . and that apartment building was dilapidated and run down and I had 2 roommates that I barely saw . . . I think they were hermits or something . . . but I would have models come in and out of that apartment and just hung out in between their castings and jobs . . . 

Crazy because from coming in to NYC without a clue of what I wanted to do, fast forward a year after, I was shooting models and making money doing so.

I immerse myself in fashion and photography and I literally ate, slept and shit fashion!

I was going to fashion parties, fashion shows and where ever there’s fashion in the city, I was in it!  

Sara, shot at the Promenade, Brooklyn Heights

The next turning point of my career was when I traveled to Paris.

My boyfriend then, whom I met whilst we were living at the St. George Hotel moved back to Paris and invited me to come and visit him.

I immediately asked all the agencies in NY that I’m going to Paris and wanted to see if they can hook me up with their affiliates out there . . . and of course, they hooked it up!

To be honest, that was my first time in Paris and I was just at awe of everything . . . I mean, even now, I am still at awe . . . but my mind wasn’t really shooting there . . . it was more the experience in being in foreign country.

But, being in the fashion capital of the world, these agencies are use to high high fashion and honestly, I was a bit more NY style, man on the street, candid shots of models . . . and I really had to readjust the way I shoot in Paris because there’s no way, they will get the pictures they want for the model’s book.

I befriended a lot of stylists and makeup and hair people to collaborate with them . . . again, I had no idea that it took a budget and production to make fashion photography.

Beatrice shot near the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France

I was so use to just doing everything on my own and using what I have in my closet . . . but when I was in Paris, I had to wait for hair/makeup to get done and the stylists putting all these outrageous clothes to the girls . . . it was an eye opening experience which I learned so much just being there . . . but to look back at those images . . . it’s very cringe worthy but I was young and inexperienced . . . 

It’s crazy back then, because my ego was so inflated when I was in NYC, I was so cocky and so self assured of my talent that I didn’t care what others thought of me . . . yea, I was making things as I went along . .  and you know that saying “fake it until you make it,” well, that was me back in the day.

One of the craziest thing I did when I was in Paris was to see a photo rep agency, Jed Root.

Literally, I had no business being there because I didn’t have anything substantial in my book; no editorials at all . . . just tests but I went there with the confidence and attitude of “I don’t care what you think of my work, because I know I’m good!” 

I think the agent that saw me was very much entertained with my moxie that he said, “you’re work isn’t to the standard of the photographers that we represent and you have a long way to go, but you’re attitude and confidence will get you far!” 

That meeting was turning point in my career.

I knew that I had something . . . but I just need to get in gear and step it up!

I was in Paris for a little over 2 months and I went back to NYC with a whole new experience and knowledge of what I can do better and improve on.

I worked tirelessly to improve and traveled all over the US to work in different markets and see what each niche needed and see if my photos would go well in that market.

I think just saying that I’m from NYC gave me the in with all these other agencies across the country and started to travel more and more . . .

It was only when Sept. 11 2001 when things changed forever.

I will leave it here . . . I feel like I spout out too much already and if you made it this far, thank you for reading this and leave me a comment on what you think of my crazy life!

I want to write more . . . even just random stuff and try to write consistently so you can have your doze of my crazy life!